dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
