I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
