I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
