i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
