I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
