Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
