I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
