Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I need a beard to bite.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
