i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
