Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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