im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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