I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
