Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
