we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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