if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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