if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
