Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
