My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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