Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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