I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
