So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
