And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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