Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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