Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
