I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
