So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
