at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
