i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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