she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
