Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
