Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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