I just made out with a guy for $7.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
