sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
