okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
