so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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