It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
