dude i'm inner monologue high
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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