Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
