We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
