**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
