96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
