brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
