nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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