This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
