I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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