Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
