if you like me you must not know who I am
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
