this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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