Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
