Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
