holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
