Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
