So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
