you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
