i think my tv is drunk
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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