wrigley field is MILF paradise
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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