i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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